The Year I Turned Sixteen: Rose, Daisy, Laurel, Lily Paperback - 2010

Summary

Excerpt

One

SOMETIMES I WISH I didnâÈçt live in a small town.

Hawk Harbor is the kind of place where everybody knows everybody else. ThereâÈçs one grocery store and one gas station and one bank. We have to share a high school with a bunch of other towns. We donâÈçt even have our own exit off the Maine Turnpike.

And needless to say, the nightlife is rather limited.

Now and then I find myself wondering what it would be like to live someplace crowded and exciting. Those are the days I canâÈçt wait to graduate and move to New York or L.A.

Then there are days like today, May 21, my sixteenth birthday, when I canâÈçt imagine living anywhere else. This afternoon on my way in from school I stopped on the porch of my familyâÈçs Victorian house. Standing on tiptoe, I could see a distant sliver of the Atlantic, past the pines and the rocky shore. The water was speckled with sailboats and fishing trawlers that reminded me of my dadâÈçs old boat, the Pelican.

Summer is just around the corner, and that means pretty soon IâÈçll be heading off to be a counselor at Wildwood, a camp in Vermont. I canâÈçt wait. I want to be a singer, and Wildwood is a performance campâÈ'I won a scholarship there a few years ago, and IâÈçve been going every summer. There arenâÈçt many opportunities to get musical training in rural Maine, so Wildwood was a total stroke of luck. Plus itâÈçs my only opportunity all year to get a taste of independence.

Inside the house I could tell right away that my mother, Maggie Walker, had been chopping and roasting and sifting and baking all afternoon. SheâÈçs an awesome cook and always goes all out for special occasions, but this morning IâÈçd told her it was fine if we skipped the festivities. After all, no oneâÈçs been in the mood for a party for three months. Why would anything be different today? But she just hugged me and said, âÈêMy oldest girl is turning sixteen. That only happens once in a lifetime.âÈë

Seeing the tears in her blue eyes, I felt I couldnâÈçt argue with that.

I dumped my backpack on the living room couch and followed my nose to the kitchen. âÈêHappy birthday, Rose,âÈë my thirteen-year-old sister, Daisy, called out from the dining room.

âÈêHappy birthday!âÈë echoed ten-year-old Laurel and eight-year-old Lily.

âÈêHi, everybody,âÈë I responded. âÈêSmells great, Mom!âÈë I walked into the dining room and watched Daisy set the table with the good china, carefully placing every napkin and utensil just so. Her long blond ponytail was pulled through the back of her Boston Red Sox cap, which I suspect she sleeps in. (I know for a fact that until she was eleven she slept with her autographed Nomar Garciaparra baseball mitt under her pillow.) I couldnâÈçt help noticing that in spite of her usual uniform of gym shorts and T-shirt, sheâÈçs starting to get really pretty. Of course, sheâÈçd probably punch me if I said so. When the guys on her baseball team started telling her that last year, she switched to all-girlsâÈç softball.

I opened my mouth to tell Daisy how nice the table looked but was interrupted. âÈêItâÈçs my turn to lick the beaters,âÈë Lily whined from the kitchen.

âÈêUh-oh,âÈë I said, and Daisy rolled her eyes in a here-we-go-again look.

We both peeked through the doorway into the kitchen, anticipating a good show. Sure enough, Mom had just made the chocolate frosting for my birthday cake and Laurel had, naturally, seized the beaters. SheâÈçs going through a growth spurt or something and consumes about half her weight in food a day. SheâÈçs currently about a foot taller than Lily. So there was Laurel, holding one beater high above LilyâÈçs head and licking the other while Lily danced up and down, fuming.

I couldnâÈçt help laughing. Lily likes to dress up, and the costume du jour consisted of the calico skirt I had worn in our high school production of Oklahoma! last year, a hot pink tube top that wasnâÈçt staying up very well, and clip-on pearl earrings. For some reason her blond pigtails were sticking straight out from the sides of her head. Laurel was a sight, too: cutoff jeans, scraped knees, and a grass-stained shirt. âÈêPersonally, I wouldnâÈçt want to eat anything she just touched, but thatâÈçs me,âÈë I said to Daisy under my breath.

Laurel turned bright red. She doesnâÈçt like to fight, but she has a real stubborn streakâÈ'especially when she knows sheâÈçs right. âÈêItâÈçs not your turn,âÈë she informed Lily. âÈêYou got the beaters when Mom made carrot cake for the church potluck two weeks ago.âÈë

âÈêNo, I didnâÈçt!âÈë screeched LilyâÈ'who does like to fightâÈ'as she stamped her small feet.

âÈêTime-out,âÈë called Daisy. âÈêHand one over, Laurel.âÈë

âÈêWhy should I?âÈë asked Laurel. âÈêPossession is nine-tenths of the law, and Lily doesnâÈçt have the right toâÈ'ow!âÈë

LaurelâÈçs speech was interrupted by the kick in the shin Lily gave her. With a yelp Laurel dropped both beaters on the kitchen floor and started hopping around in pain.

âÈêOkay, thatâÈçs enough,âÈë Mom declared, scooping up the beaters and dumping them into the soapy water in the sink. âÈêIf you canâÈçt agree, then nobody gets any beaters. Now, take it outside, you two. And donâÈçt come back in until youâÈçve made up.âÈë

Lily and Laurel disappeared, but I could still hear them bickering as I headed upstairs to my room. Oh, well, what can you do? Sisters.

Since I was going out later, I put on the blue sleeveless dress IâÈçd just bought on sale at HarringtonâÈçs Department Store. It had taken all the birthday money my grandparents in Florida had sent me, but it was worth it.

As my family gathered for dinner I noticed that my sisters looked relatively presentable, too. Of course Mom looked beautifulâÈ'she always does. SheâÈçd tossed aside her apron and brushed out her shoulder-length blond hair. With her, thatâÈçs all it takes. Lily had added a rhinestone necklace to her ensemble, and Daisy had taken off her baseball cap. Laurel was wearing a baggy but clean chambray shirt ? with a suspicious bulge in the pocket.

âÈêOh no, you donâÈçt,âÈë I told her. âÈêHenry is not invited to my birthday dinner.âÈë

Laurel stood there acting wide-eyed and innocent, but Mom stared her down. Sheepishly Laurel stuck a hand in her shirt pocket, removing a small brown field mouse. Henry scampered up LaurelâÈçs arm to her shoulder as if he were about to make a nest in her hair.

âÈêOut,âÈë I commanded, and Laurel disappeared.

âÈêWhy does she always carry that rodent around with her?âÈë I asked.

Mom gave a gentle smile and said, âÈêYou know your sister doesnâÈçt make friends easily. Her animals are her friends.âÈë

âÈêI wish she werenâÈçt so shy,âÈë I replied. âÈêWhy canâÈçt she be more normal?âÈë

âÈêIâÈçm not shy,âÈë Lily put in.

âÈêIf she werenâÈçt shy, she wouldnâÈçt be Laurel,âÈë Daisy said, and my mother nodded.

Just then we heard Laurel washing her hands in the kitchenâÈ'thank goodness for antibacterial soap. When she returned, we all stood for a moment, admiring the table. There were
candles and a vase of pink roses in the middle and a single white rose along with a small, gift-wrapped box next to my plate.

âÈêHappy birthday, Rose,âÈë Mom said, smiling at me.

I smiled back, but as I pulled out my chair and sat down I knew the same sad feeling was settling over each of us. I miss Dad all the time, but there are moments when it hits me more that heâÈçs really gone. Dinner is the worst. Mom always sits at the foot of the table so she can zip into the kitchen; Daisy and Lily sit on one side, Laurel and I on the other. Which leaves the captainâÈçs chair at the head of the table empty.

I tried not to look at it.

Mom served the roast beef while Daisy passed the platter of potatoes and vegetables. Laurel buttered a roll, and Lily swished a straw around in her glass of chocolate milk. Everyone looked solemn. No one spoke.

âÈêHey, this is a party,âÈë I reminded them, trying to sound cheerful. I tasted the roast beef. âÈêItâÈçs delicious,âÈë I said. âÈêThanks for going to so much trouble, Mom. I really didnâÈçt expect it.âÈë

âÈêThis is a special day. Nothing can change that,âÈë she replied, but this time when she smiled, I could tell it took an effort.

I did my best to keep the conversation hopping. It wasnâÈçt all that hard because Daisy and Lily both like to gab, and if you bring up the right topic, Laurel can, too.

âÈêHow was school, Toad?âÈë I asked, using the nickname I gave her when she was six and spent the whole summer collecting slimy things in mason jars. âÈêDid you finish your biology project?âÈë

âÈêWe finished it today. Last week we fed the caterpillars all these leaves,âÈë Laurel reported, âÈêand then they made chrysalides. Well, today the butterflies started to come out! It was so amazing. Next week weâÈçre doing tadpoles.âÈë

âÈêHow appropriate,âÈë I said. âÈêSounds perfect for you.âÈë She smiled and stared down at her plate.

âÈêAsk me about my day!âÈë Lily urged me.

âÈêOkay, how was your day, Lily?âÈë

âÈêI did my book report on Pippi Longstocking and got an Excellent!âÈë

âÈêThatâÈçs wonderful!âÈë Mom told her. âÈêCongratulations.âÈë Lily beamed.

I laughed. âÈêNow I get it. ThatâÈçs what the pigtails are for, right?âÈë

Lily nodded, pleased with herself. âÈêI acted my report out for the class. All the girls in my class said they wished theyâÈçd thought of it. The only person whose report was half as good as mine was Amanda WaterstonâÈçs, and you could tell that her mother helped her make her shadow box.âÈë

âÈêItâÈçs better to do all the work yourself,âÈë I told her. âÈêGood job.âÈë

âÈêMaybe I can go to Wildwood next year,âÈë Lily said. âÈêFor acting! IâÈçll be old enough.âÈë

âÈêThat would be great,âÈë I replied warmly. âÈêIâÈçd love to take you with me, Lily. ItâÈçs so much fun, but I missed you guys last year.âÈë We grinned at each other a moment, then I looked at Daisy. âÈêOkay, Daisy, your turn.âÈë

Daisy had already eaten a humongous slice of roast beef and was now halfway through her second serving of mashed potatoes. She paused just long enough to say, âÈêSoftball practice was canceledâÈ'Coach was sick. I wish that I had someone to play catch with when I canâÈçt practice with the team.âÈë DaisyâÈçs been a star athlete since toddlerhood, but the rest of us just arenâÈçt interested in sports.

âÈêHave any of you girls met the new boy whoâÈçs moved into Windy Ridge?âÈë Mom wanted to know. Windy Ridge is the big old house at the end of Lighthouse RoadâÈ'itâÈçs been vacant for almost a year. We all shook our heads. âÈêMaybe heâÈçs interested in sports, Daisy.âÈë

âÈêI donâÈçt know. IâÈçve seen him aroundâÈ'he seems too young to me,âÈë Daisy said. âÈêHe looks around LaurelâÈçs age.âÈë

âÈêMaybe you could go introduce yourself, Laurel,âÈë Mom said.

Laurel flushed slightly.

âÈêBut you donâÈçt have to,âÈë Mom added hastily. Laurel looked relieved.

When we finished eating, Daisy cleared the table, then brought in clean plates for dessert.

âÈêBefore we cut the cake, why donâÈçt you open your gift, Rose?âÈë Mom suggested.

That was the only invitation I needed. IâÈçd been dying to tear into the wrapping paper but didnâÈçt want to seem too eager. Reminding myself that I was sixteen, not six, I opened the box with painstaking slowness. âÈêHurry up, Rose!âÈë Lily said, but I just glared at her. I wondered what the gift would be. WeâÈçve never been rich, but I had always dreamed that there would be a brand-new car in the driveway with a bow on top of it for my sixteenth birthday. Even though I knew it wasnâÈçt very likely, I couldnâÈçt help hoping briefly that the small box held a set of car keys.

But when I saw what was lying on a puff of cotton inside, I gasped. âÈêMom, itâÈçs beautiful!âÈë

Everyone leaned in for a look. I held up the necklace so my sisters could admire it: a tiny gold rosebud suspended from a gold chain so delicate it was nearly invisible. âÈêThe rose was on your great-grandmother WalkerâÈçs charm bracelet,âÈë my mother explained.

I fastened the clasp around my neck, then jumped up and ran to look at myself in the mirror over the sideboard. I loved what I saw. The necklace was pretty against my skinâÈ'just what the new dress needed. It might not be keys to my dream car, but I loved it.

Returning to the table, I wrapped my arms around my mother. âÈêThis is really a treasure. Thanks, Mom,âÈë I whispered.

We both had tears in our eyes. Mom hid hers by rising to her feet and disappearing into the kitchen. âÈêCake time,âÈë she called. âÈêDim the lights, Daisy, would you?âÈë

As my mom carried the chocolate cake into the dining
room Laurel ran into the living room to thump out an extremely off-key rendition of âÈêHappy Birthday to YouâÈë on the piano. (I got all the musical talent in this family.) As everybody sang along Mom set the cake in front of me. Lily clapped, urging, âÈêMake a wish!âÈë

I drew in a breath, preparing to blow out the candles. I wish ? I wish Dad were still alive.

Oh, God, what kind of birthday wish is that? I thought, shocked at myself. No matter how much I wanted it, there was no point wishing for something that couldnâÈçt possibly come true. I couldnâÈçt wish away the unexpected norâÈçeaster that had swamped my fatherâÈçs fishing boat. I couldnâÈçt wish Dad back again. If only I could.

Shaking my head, I tried to come up with something else. Luckily for impatient Lily, another wish, one relating to my new boyfriend, Parker Kemp, and the possibility that someday my initials might be R. W. K., came quickly to mind.

I smiled and blew out the candles on my birthday cakeâÈ'all sixteen of them at once.

HALF AN HOUR later IâÈçd put on some makeup and perfume and brushed out my long blond hair, ready to head out the door as soon as Parker rang the bell. I stopped on my way past the kitchen.

The dishwasher was humming, the counters were spotless; even the blue-and-white-checked dish towels were hanging neatly from their pegs by the window. ThatâÈçs my momâÈ'neat to a fault. But the drop-leaf table in the breakfast nook ?

âÈêMom, what are you doing?âÈë I asked.

She was sitting with her shoulders hunched forward, gnawing on a pencil. The table was piled high with file folders, checkbooks, and shoe boxes full of paper scraps.

Mom poked at the buttons on a calculator with the eraser end of a pencil, then glanced up at me distractedly. âÈêOur income tax return,âÈë she answered. âÈêI filed an extension last month, but I canâÈçt put it off indefinitely.âÈë

I wrinkled my nose. âÈêIs it complicated?âÈë

She sighed. âÈêI loved your dad, but he was not a businessman. He left the finances in a mess. I canâÈçt make heads or tails of any of it.âÈë

âÈêWell, donâÈçt stay up too late,âÈë I advised.

âÈêDonâÈçt forget you have a curfew,âÈë she replied.

âÈêI wonâÈçt. Night, Mom.âÈë

Outside, I sat on the top porch step, hugging my knees and humming a Taylor Swift song. When a pair of headlights bumped down the gravel driveway, I stood up, my heart pounding with anticipation.

Whenever I go out with Parker, I feel like IâÈçm entering a fairy tale. He whisks me into a different world.

He stepped out of his black Jeep Wrangler, leaving the engine running. Before helping me up into the passenger seat, he bent me back slightly against the side of the Jeep for a kiss. âÈêHey, birthday girl,âÈë he murmured, his mouth smiling against mine. âÈêNice dress.âÈë

ItâÈçs hard to explain the effect Parker has on me, I mean without resorting to clichÃûs like he makes my knees weak and all that. He looks like a Ralph Lauren modelâÈ'blond hair and blue eyes and the kind of smile that stops you in your tracks. HeâÈçs tall, tooâÈ'six-foot-oneâÈ'with a lean, muscular tennis playerâÈçs build. At the risk of sounding totally conceited, I have to say we look great together. Not that IâÈçm obsessed with appearances or anything, but heâÈçs the first Seagate Academy guy IâÈçve gone out with, and thatâÈçs kind of a status thing in Hawk Harbor.

âÈêDo you know what day this is, besides my birthday?âÈë I asked.

He scratched his head, pretending he didnâÈçt. âÈêNo, what?âÈë

âÈêItâÈçs our one-month anniversary,âÈë I reminded him, pinching his ribs playfully.

His face broke into a grin. âÈêOf course I remember. IâÈçll never forget the first time I saw you,âÈë Parker said.

I smiled up at him a little wistfully. IâÈçd been feeling really sad about Dad that day, so IâÈçd gone for a walk along the shore. ThatâÈçs where I feel closest to Dad because he spent so much time out on the ocean. I started walking at the public beach, too busy crying to pay attention to where I was going. I just kept climbing across rocks and jumping over tide pools and slogging through piles of seaweed as if I could somehow walk off my grief. Suddenly Parker had appeared before me.

âÈêYou looked so beautiful, but so sad,âÈë Parker went on.

IâÈçd been kind of blown away when Parker told me we were standing on his familyâÈçs private beachâÈ'that he lived in the mansion on the cliff above us. Maybe that was why, when I told him my father had died in a boating accident, IâÈçd left out the fact that Dad had been a commercial fisherman. Of course, IâÈçm sure that Parker could tell we werenâÈçt the kind of family that would have a yacht, but he never asked what kind of boat it was. And I never enlightened him.

Now I sniffled, feeling sentimental. A month ago on the rainy beach Parker had put an arm around me and pulled me under his umbrella. WeâÈçd been inseparable ever since. âÈêIâÈçm the luckiest girl in the world,âÈë I whispered softly.

âÈêYouâÈçre the prettiest girl in the world,âÈë said Parker, kissing me.

âÈêSo, where are we going?âÈë I asked a minute later as Parker backed out of the driveway.

He gave me a sideways glance, smiling. âÈêYouâÈçll see.âÈë

I settled back in my seat with a happy sigh. Parker has his own charge card, and he always takes me to pretty nice places. So I wasnâÈçt surprised when he pulled up in front of the Harborside. But I was surprised when he led me through the restaurant to a private room in the back. A room packed with kids wearing party hats who threw confetti into the air and shouted, âÈêSurprise!âÈë

I blinked. âÈêWhat on ? is this for ? ?âÈë

âÈêYep, itâÈçs for you,âÈë Parker said. âÈêHappy birthday!âÈë

Sliding an arm around my waist, he steered me into the crowd. I couldnâÈçt get over it. It wasnâÈçt just that Parker had thrown me a surprise party. It was a surprise party with armfuls of red roses in crystal vases all over the place, and a waiter passing a tray of hors dâÈçoeuvres, and a two-tiered cake garnished with real rosebuds on a silver pedestal. It was a far cry from my fifteenth birthday party, which had consisted of pizzas and pitchers of Pepsi with my now ex-boyfriend Sully and other friends at the Rusty Nail, a very casual hangout in town.

âÈêYou really shouldnâÈçt have done this,âÈë I said to Parker, feeling a little embarrassed.

He shrugged as if it were nothing. âÈêCome on, I want you to meet everybody.âÈë

We made a quick tour of the room. I mostly just smiled, trying to remember namesâÈ'Chip van Alder, Cynthia Ferris, David Shuman, Valerie MathiasâÈ'and trying not to panic over the fact that I was the only girl in the room wearing a cotton dress. I took mental notes for future reference, not that I could afford to copy these girlsâÈç outfits. Seagate Academy girls obviously didnâÈçt shop the sale rack at HarringtonâÈçs.

âÈêHere.âÈë Parker pressed a glass of punch into my hand. âÈêBe right back.âÈë

For a minute I stood alone by the buffet table, sipping my punch. It seemed a little strangeâÈ'here I was at my own birthday party with no one to talk to. I edged up to a conversation. âÈêSo if I can score some tickets, maybe we could road trip to Boston for the concert,âÈë David was saying.

âÈêWhat concert?âÈë I asked brightly.

âÈêWe could crash at my cousinâÈçs dorm,âÈë Cynthia went on, as if she hadnâÈçt heard me. She was looking from David to Chip. âÈêIf we stay over Saturday, we could go to some Harvard parties.âÈë

âÈêI donâÈçt want to miss the crew regatta, though,âÈë Chip told Cynthia. âÈêWhat if weâÈ'âÈë

They didnâÈçt seem to need me, so I backed up a step or two. âÈêI think IâÈçll have some cake,âÈë I said to no one in particular. I looked around for Parker, but he was on the far side of the room, talking to Valerie. âÈêYes, itâÈçs cake time,âÈë I decided, turning to the buffet.

As I contemplated the cake someone behind me said, âÈêItâÈçs almost too beautiful to cut.âÈë

I glanced over my shoulder at a tall guy with deep brown eyes. He had thick, dark hair and small wire-rimmed glasses. He looked like a future professor in spite of the fact that he was incredibly handsome.

âÈêYes,âÈë I agreed, feeling a little ridiculous about the fact that this person was at my party and I had no idea who he was. I turned back to the cake. Oh, well, I thought. Let them eatâÈ'

âÈêCake,âÈë the guy said.

âÈêWhat?âÈë I asked.

âÈêLet them eat cake,âÈë he repeated. âÈêIâÈçm sure the chef would hate to think that he went to all the trouble of making it taste good for nothing.âÈë

âÈêYou have a point,âÈë I said. Smiling, I grabbed the silver knife on the table and sliced into the cake. I offered him the first piece. âÈêBy the way, IâÈçm Rose,âÈë I said.

âÈêSorry. I should have introduced myself sooner.âÈë He actually blushed. âÈêStephen Mathias,âÈë he said as we shook hands.

âÈêMathias. Then you must be ValerieâÈçsâÈëâÈ'I inspected him more closely. Valerie is the same age as Parker and me, sixteen, and a sophomore. This guy looked a little olderâÈ'âÈêbig brother?âÈë

âÈêRight,âÈë he said. âÈêIâÈçm a junior.âÈë

I donâÈçt usually have trouble talking to people, but this guy was a little intimidating. He was staring at me kind of intensely, as if he was trying to figure something out, which was making me worry that maybe I had a blob of frosting on my face or something. I glanced around for Parker, hoping heâÈçd rescue me. Suddenly Stephen remarked, âÈêYou donâÈçt go to Seagate, do you?âÈë Now it was my turn to flush slightly. âÈêI mean,âÈë he added quickly, âÈêIâÈçd remember seeing you around.âÈë

âÈêNo, I go to South Regional,âÈë I admitted, naming my public high school. It was pretty obvious that I didnâÈçt fit in with this crowd, and I hated the fact that it bothered me so much.

âÈêWell.âÈë He rocked back on his heels. âÈêThis is quite a party.âÈë

I nodded. âÈêUnbelievable.âÈë

âÈêIt was a surprise, huh?âÈë he asked. I couldnâÈçt read the look on his face.

I nodded again.

âÈêSo, where are your friends?âÈë

âÈêI wouldnâÈçt have expected Parker to invite people heâÈçs never met,âÈë I said a little defensively.

âÈêYou two havenâÈçt been dating that long, then?âÈë

âÈêWell, a month, butâÈ'âÈë I stopped, frowning. A whole month and Parker still hadnâÈçt met my best friends. Why not?

At that moment someone who smelled like expensive menâÈçs cologne came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. âÈêDonâÈçt eat too much cake,âÈë Parker murmured, his lips on my earlobe.

I put my plate down fast and turned to face him. âÈêReady for your present?âÈë he asked.

âÈêYou mean this party isnâÈçt my present?âÈë

âÈêOf course not.âÈë

He pressed a robinâÈçs egg blue box into my hand. âÈêFor me?âÈë

Parker laughed. âÈêWho else? Open it.âÈë

Stephen had drifted away, but Cynthia and a few other girls crowded around to watch. I heard Valerie say, âÈêThatâÈçs a Tiffany box.âÈë Self-conscious, I opened it. When I saw what was inside, I almost fainted. I lifted out the heavy silver necklace.

âÈêParker,âÈë I whispered, âÈêitâÈçs lovely.âÈë

Removing the necklace my mother had given me earlier
in the evening, Parker fastened the clasp of the Tiffany one around my neck. âÈêNow, that does you justice,âÈë he said, bending forward to kiss me. âÈêYouâÈçre so beautiful. I love you, Rose.âÈë

It was the first time heâÈçd said that. My eyes widened in surprise, but I closed them as our lips touched. Parker Kemp loved me!

Our kiss went on and on. ParkerâÈçs friends clapped and whistled, but we still didnâÈçt draw apart.

Fifteen had been a terrible yearâÈ'IâÈçd lost my father. The year I turned sixteen was bound to be better. One thingâÈçs for sure, I thought, dizzy with happiness. ItâÈçs off to a great start.

IN THE MIDDLE of the night something woke me up. For a few seconds I lay with my eyes closed, trying to get back into the dream IâÈçd been having. It was about Parker, of course. Then I heard the sound again. âÈêDaddy!âÈë someone cried. âÈêDaddy, come here!âÈë

Lily, I thought groggily. My youngest sister has a seriously overactive imaginationâÈ'she has nightmares all the time, and DadâÈçs the only one who can calm her down. I lay in the dark, waiting for the sound of his footsteps plodding down the hall. Lily kept crying, âÈêDaddy, IâÈçm scared!âÈë

A minute passed, then two, and I was starting to wonder what was taking Dad so long.

And then I remembered.

Hopping out of bed, I hurried to LilyâÈçs room. She was sitting up in bed, a pillow clutched to her chest and tears sliding down her face. I sat down on the mattress and put an arm around her, wondering what to say. âÈêItâÈçs okay,âÈë I murmured.

âÈêWhereâÈçs Daddy? I want Daddy,âÈë Lily sobbed.

I wished I didnâÈçt have to tell her the truth. âÈêDadâÈçs not here,âÈë I reminded her at last, âÈêand MomâÈçs still asleep. She was really tired tonight.âÈë

Lily sagged against me, her head on my shoulder. Her tears wouldnâÈçt stop. âÈêI had this awful dream, Rose,âÈë she whispered, sniffling. âÈêI was wading in Kettle Cove looking for clams and this big shark swam up and I ?âÈë

As Lily went on, I could feel her still shaking with fear. What had Dad done in this situation? I wondered, feeling helpless. I wasnâÈçt used to playing this role.

âÈêThere, there,âÈë I murmured.

Lily kept crying. I was totally at a loss. Help me, Dad, I thought.

Dad always believed in being as rational as possible. I took a deep breath. âÈêItâÈçll be okay. There arenâÈçt any sharks in Kettle Cove.âÈë

Lily looked up at me. âÈêThere arenâÈçt?âÈë she asked with another sniff.

âÈêDefinitely not,âÈë I declared. âÈêThey like the beaches down on Cape Cod. In fact, they prefer ?âÈë and I went off on some long, rambling explanation that was half remembered from an old science textbook and half invention.

Believe it or not, it worked. I held Lily until her eyelids drooped sleepily. Then I tucked her back in.

As I was closing the door Lily woke up again. âÈêWhere are you going?âÈë she asked.

âÈêBack to my room,âÈë I said.

She thought about this for a minute.

âÈêIâÈçll be right down the hall,âÈë I added.

âÈêOkay,âÈë she said. âÈêThanks, Rose.âÈë

Oh, Dad, I thought, what was it you used to say? âÈêAnytime,âÈë I whispered.

One

CATCH THIS ONE, Daze!âÈë My older sister, Rose, pulled back her arm and tossed the Frisbee as far as she could. The bright orange disk sailed in my direction ? sort of. Sprinting across the sand, I splashed into the water and jumped into the air, snagging the Frisbee before it could slice into the waves. Back on the beach Rose and her boyfriend, Stephen Mathias, clapped and whistled. âÈêNice catch!âÈë Stephen yelled. I grinned at them and took a deep bow.

Just then my mother called out, âÈêFoodâÈçs ready.âÈë I lobbed the Frisbee to Stephen and jogged over to join my family. It was a warm August evening, and we were having a clambake at Kettle Cove, a little beach on the edge of town, to celebrate my sixteenth birthday. Balloons were tied to the picnic table, and lobsters, steamers, and ears of sweet corn had been roasting over a fire in a pit in the sand. Living in Maine is the best.

We started with paper plates piled high with steamers. I watched Rose take a ton of them. She has long blond hair and blue eyes, and she looked incredibly pretty in a lace-trimmed tank top and gauzy flowered skirt. No one looks glamorous eating steamers, though. âÈêYum,âÈë she said, dipping a clam in melted butter and then popping it into her mouth.

My mom, Maggie Walker, tossed the salad while her friend Hal Leverett, our neighbor, filled plastic glasses with lemonade. Mom has short blond hair that she pushes behind her earsâÈ'sheâÈçs forty now, and sheâÈçs still the most beautiful woman I know.

We were all gobbling steamersâÈ'Mom too. Stephen watched my family eat, his arms folded across his chest, his own plate empty. âÈêI still havenâÈçt gotten over the way you natives put away clams,âÈë he admitted, his brown eyes twinkling. âÈêBy the pound. And I bet youâÈçll devour a couple of lobsters apiece when youâÈçre finished.âÈë

Rose laughed. âÈêItâÈçs a Maine thing. You wouldnâÈçt understand.âÈë

Stephen turned to my twelve-year-old sister, Laurel, whose gold-streaked brown hair was pulled back in a ponytail. She had a lobster bib on over her usual grass-stained overalls. âÈêHow do you do it, Toad?âÈë Stephen asked, using the nickname Rose gave Laurel a few years ago. âÈêClams and lobsters are your friends.âÈë

Laurel considered this question thoughtfully as she wiped some butter off her lips with a paper napkin. SheâÈçs the animal lover in the family, but when it comes to clambakes, sheâÈçs as carnivorous as the rest of us. âÈêItâÈçs a food chain thing,âÈë she explained to Stephen, âÈêand weâÈçre at the top.âÈë

âÈêRight,âÈë I said. âÈêEating shellfish is our destiny.âÈë

Mom passed out claw crackers for the lobsters. âÈêThey eat seafood in Boston, too,âÈë she pointed out to Stephen, whose family moved up to Maine when he started high school at nearby Seagate Academy.

âÈêIn restaurants, mostly,âÈë replied Stephen. âÈêI never met a lobster in person before it ended up in a pot.âÈë

Rose rested her head on StephenâÈçs shoulder, her blondness a contrast to his dark brown hair. âÈêArenâÈçt we uncivilized?âÈë she said happily.

My youngest sister, ten-year-old Lily, was buttering a hot ear of corn. âÈêThis is the best, Mom,âÈë she said. âÈêIâÈçm going to eat until I burst.âÈë

âÈêEverythingâÈçs great,âÈë I agreed. âÈêThanks, Mom.âÈë

âÈêA clambake cooks itself,âÈë she said, brushing aside our praise with typical modesty.

âÈêHey, we almost forgot to toast the birthday girl.âÈë Rose raised her glass. âÈêI canâÈçt believe youâÈçre sixteen, Daisy. That means IâÈçm really old!âÈë

Rose graduated from South Regional High School last JuneâÈ'sheâÈçs eighteen. âÈêRight, youâÈçre ancient,âÈë I kidded.

âÈêNo, but seriously,âÈë said Rose. âÈêIt seems like just yesterday I was turning sixteen.âÈë A shadow crossed her face, dimming her hundred-watt smile for a second. RoseâÈçs sixteenth birthday hadnâÈçt been such a happy occasion. Our father had died in a boating accident just a few months before the birthday. We were all silent for a moment, thinking the same thoughts, I guess. Then RoseâÈçs face brightened again. âÈêRemember back when Daisy liked baseball better than boys?âÈë

Everybody laughed. I rolled my eyes. Just a few days ago my first boyfriend, Jay McGuigan, and I had broken up. IâÈçd gone down to Boston for a Red Sox doubleheader with Tommy Bradford, this guy in my class whose dad coaches at the high school, and it was absolutely not a date, but Jay got absurdly jealous and we had a huge fight and that was that. âÈêLast week I liked boys better,âÈë I told Rose with a grin. âÈêThis week IâÈçm back to baseball.âÈë

âÈêLetâÈçs all tell one thing we like about Daisy,âÈë Lily piped up suddenly, waving a lobster claw for attention.

âÈêOh, please,âÈë I groaned.

âÈêThatâÈçs a nice idea,âÈë Mom said, smiling at Lily. âÈêYou want to start?âÈë

Lily nodded, her short blond hair bouncing. By the way, I should note here that my youngest sister was wearing a satin, twenties-era flapper dress topped off with a feather boa. To a beach party. ThatâÈçs Lily in a nutshell. âÈêWhat I like about Daisy,âÈë Lily informed the group, âÈêis that she hardly ever gets mad at me even when I really bug her.âÈë

âÈêExcept that time you lost my autographed David Ortiz baseball mitt,âÈë I reminded her.

âÈêI said hardly ever,âÈë Lily said.

âÈêI like Daisy because sheâÈçs always in a sunny mood,âÈë Rose contributed. âÈêOf course, thatâÈçs also what I donâÈçt like about her because whenever IâÈçm trying to enjoy a good sulk, Daisy always talks me out of it. How about you, Mom?âÈë

Mom shook her head, smiling. âÈêHow can I pick just one thing?âÈë

âÈêYou have to,âÈë Lily pressed.

âÈêOkay. I like the way Daisy picks up around the house without being asked.âÈë

âÈêMo-o-om!âÈë Lily complained. âÈêThatâÈçs a boring thing to like.âÈë

âÈêWell, itâÈçs true,âÈë Mom replied, winking at me.

âÈêMy turn,âÈë said Stephen. âÈêI like how even when she was a kid, Daisy could beat me at hoops. She taught me humility.âÈë

âÈêHow about you, Laurel?âÈë Rose prompted.

Laurel gazed at me with shining eyes. âÈêI like how Daisy is good at everything she tries. How she gets all AâÈçs at school and is the star of the soccer team, and how sheâÈçs so pretty but she isnâÈçt at all vain. I want to be just like her,âÈë she finished softly.

âÈêKiss up,âÈë muttered Lily.

Laurel scowled at Lily. I reached across the picnic table and punched Laurel lightly on the arm. âÈêThanks, Toad,âÈë I said.

Just then Mr. Leverett cleared his throat. âÈêWell, IâÈ',âÈë he began.

Before he could continue, I jumped to my feet. âÈêAnyone for more lemonade?âÈë I asked.

As I circled the table refilling glasses my mom threw me a questioning glance, but I ignored it. Maybe IâÈçd been rude, cutting Hal off. But whatâÈçs he doing here, anyway? I asked myself.

All at once my throat tightened with unexpected tears. IâÈçd spent the picnic trying not to think about my father, but now I couldnâÈçt help it. If Dad were still alive, Mom wouldnâÈçt be bringing Hal to family parties, I thought. I didnâÈçt care if he was just a friendâÈ'if any man was going to be at my birthday party, I wanted it to be Dad.

IâÈçm not the gooey sentimental type, but I know when IâÈçm about to burst into tears. âÈêBe right back,âÈë I muttered, depositing the lemonade jug on the table with a thud. Turning away from the others, I strode off across the sand.

I hadnâÈçt gone ten yards when I heard a voice behind me. âÈêDaze, wait for me.âÈë

I stopped. Rose jogged after me, her skirt fluttering and her expression worried. âÈêAre you okay?âÈë she asked. I shrugged wordlessly, my hands stuck deep in the pockets of my shorts. âÈêThinking about Dad?âÈë Rose guessed.

I hate falling apartâÈ'I almost never cryâÈ'but my voice cracked with emotion. âÈêHe should be here today.âÈë

âÈêI know,âÈë Rose agreed.

Side by side, we walked along the waterâÈçs edge. For a few minutes neither of us spoke. I knew we were both remembering the day two and a half years ago when we learned that DadâÈçs fishing boat had been lost in a sudden storm at sea.

âÈêI think you miss Dad the most,âÈë Rose ventured at last. âÈêI mean, I miss him, too, but you and he were the closest. You were his favorite.âÈë

âÈêDad didnâÈçt play favorites,âÈë I said, but in a way I knew what she said was true. Dad had loved us all, but I was the one whoâÈçd liked going out on the boat with him. Back on land, IâÈçd help him mend his nets and then weâÈçd play catch on the lawn for hours until Dad was satisfied that I could throw as far and straight as a big leaguer. I look like him, tooâÈ'I have his eyes and his height and his smile.

And his upbeat attitude ? usually. Now I struggled to get back in a positive frame of mind. âÈêDad would be proud of how well weâÈçre doing on our own,âÈë I said as Rose and I hit the end of the beach and turned around.

âÈêWeâÈçve gotten our lives together,âÈë Rose agreed. She laughed dryly. âÈêNot that it wasnâÈçt an uphill fight. Remember how mad I was two summers ago when Mom made me get a job? And when we had to use food stamps for a whileâÈ'that freaked me out.âÈë

But things had changed. These days Rose was acting in summer stock theaterâÈ'musicals mostly, because she loves to sing. In the fall she would start classes at the local community college and continue working part-time at CeciliaâÈçs, a boutique in downtown Hawk Harbor. That was the first job Rose got, back when she was sixteen. Mom had started a catering business about a year after Dad died and she was doing well, but money was still a little tight, so weâÈçd all found ways to pitch in this summer vacation. I baby-sat and did yard work. Laurel ran a dog wash with her friend Jack Harrison in JackâÈçs backyard. âÈêWeâÈçre a lot more independent than we used to be,âÈë I concluded.

âÈêYou were always that way, though,âÈë Rose said. âÈêYou didnâÈçt whine, like me and Laurel and Lily.âÈë She laughed again. âÈêIt used to drive me crazy!âÈë

I shrugged. âÈêI just felt like I had to do whatever it took to hold our family together.âÈë

We were back at the picnic table. âÈêJust in time, Daisy Claire Walker,âÈë Mom called. âÈêWe canâÈçt cut the cake without you!âÈë

Mom had baked a triple-layer carrot cake piled high with cream cheese frostingâÈ'my favorite. As she lit the candles everyone began singing âÈêHappy Birthday to You.âÈë Rose snapped her fingers and threw in a bluesy harmonyâÈ'she has a great voice.

âÈêMake a wish, Daisy,âÈë Lily shouted when the song was over.

I closed my eyes. What should I wish for? A million dollars? A new car? An unbeaten season this fall with the South Regional High varsity girlsâÈç soccer team?

I want us all to be safe, I wished silently. Just the way we are right now. No more changes.

I opened my eyes again, and as my sisters cheered I blew out all sixteen candles on my cake.

HAWK HARBOR IS a small town on the coast of southern Maine. I was born here and so were all my sistersâÈ'our parents grew up here, too. When I was younger, we lived in a big Victorian house on Lighthouse Road that had been in the family for generations, but after Dad died, we had to sell it. Now we rent a two-floor apartment in an old brick building on Main Street above WissingerâÈçs Bakery.

A week after my birthday I spent the afternoon baby-
sitting: Then I stopped at our old neighbors, the Schenkels, to mow their lawn and clip their hedges. By the end of the day I was pretty tired, so I pedaled home more slowly than usual. Going through the center of town, I waved to Mr. Appleby, who was out in front of his hardware store, putting sale tags on a display of plastic lawn furnitureâÈ'his daughter, Cath, is one of RoseâÈçs best friends. Half a block farther along I hopped the bike onto the sidewalk so I could shout hello through the open door of CeciliaâÈçs to my sister, who was behind the cash register.

Reaching the bakery, I squeezed the hand brakes. Before pushing my bike into the storage room in the back of the building, though, I stood for a minute, looking toward the sea. Old fishing boats and sleek yachts motored in and out of the busy harbor, summing up my town: part blue-collar New England town, part upscale summer resort.

Mom was in the kitchen when I went in, slicing vegetables. âÈêSomething smells good,âÈë I said as I rummaged in the fridge for a snack.

Mom nodded in the direction of the industrial-size oven sheâÈçd installed when she quit her old job to cater full-time. âÈêAppetizers for the NickersonsâÈç anniversary party tomorrow night.âÈë

I pulled up a stool and another cutting board so I could help her chop. As I took a seat Mom looked at my necklace. âÈêThat looks nice,âÈë she said.

I put my hand to my throat. I was wearing my sixteenth-birthday present, a gold chain and an antique charm from my great-grandmotherâÈçs bracelet. The charm was shaped like a seashellâÈ'Rose got one thatâÈçs a rosebud for her sixteenth birthday. âÈêA little fancy with a T-shirt and cutoffs, huh?âÈë

She smiled. âÈêI think itâÈçs the first jewelry IâÈçve ever seen you wear.âÈë

âÈêI like it.âÈë

âÈêSo, how are Vera and Gil?âÈë

I filled her in on the neighborhood gossip IâÈçd heard from Mrs. Schenkel and told Mom that the weeds were really high in front of our old house. âÈêWhoever bought it isnâÈçt living there.âÈë

âÈêProbably someone planning to fix it up for a summer house,âÈë Mom speculated.

âÈêAn inn,âÈë a voice called from the living room. âÈêThe owners want to open an inn.âÈë

HalâÈçs here again, I thought. For some reason my mood turned instantly grouchy. Lately heâÈçd become a fixture at our dinner table. CouldnâÈçt he ever cook for himself ?

âÈêAn inn,âÈë Mom mused. âÈêWell, itâÈçs a big enough house, I suppose. And they could renovate the barn. ?âÈë

âÈêSo, Mom,âÈë I said, changing the subject, âÈêI started looking for a part-time job today.âÈë

She stopped slicing mushrooms. âÈêWhat?âÈë

âÈêNow that IâÈçm sixteen, I want to make more money than I can from baby-sitting,âÈë I explained. âÈêThat way I could help with some of our expenses.âÈë

Mom shook her head. âÈêYou donâÈçt need to do that. And with school starting soon, you wonâÈçt have time.âÈë

âÈêBut Rose got a job when she turned sixteen.âÈë

âÈêOur situation was different then. You shouldnâÈçt be worrying about money, Daisy.âÈë

âÈêIâÈçm not worried. I just want to start saving for college, like Rose.âÈë

Mom resumed slicing, the knife blade knocking rhythmically on the wooden cutting board. âÈêArenâÈçt you already stretched too thin, honey? With soccer practice every day and games on weekends. You said you were thinking about running for student council, too. IâÈçd hate to see your grades drop. YouâÈçre headed for class valedictorian when you graduate.âÈë

âÈêJust a few hours a week, Mom,âÈë I said. âÈêI promise IâÈçll quit if it gets to be too much.âÈë

Hal chose that moment to come into the kitchen. He had a legal pad under his arm and a pencil tucked behind his ear. HeâÈçs tall and wears glassesâÈ'heâÈçs an accountant, in his late forties, who got divorced a few years ago, right before we moved in next door to him. âÈêCouldnâÈçt help overhearing,âÈë he began in a friendly manner. âÈêYou know, my office could use some phone and filing help. It might be just what youâÈçre looking for, Daisy. If you want to come in and fill out an application, I could put in a goodâÈ'âÈë

âÈêThanks, anyway, but thatâÈçs not really the kind of job I had in mind.âÈë I hopped down from the stool, avoiding my momâÈçs gaze. âÈêIâÈçll be in my room,âÈë I said over my shoulder as I left the kitchen. âÈêCall me if you need me, okay?âÈë

As I went upstairs I wasnâÈçt sure why IâÈçd responded the way I had to HalâÈçs offer. Answering phones would be fine, and Hal is a nice enough guy. HeâÈçs always been a good neighborâÈ'he really comes through for us whenever thereâÈçs a clogged drain or a disgusting bug to kill. My sisters and I are always psyched when his cute college-age sons, Kevin and Connor, visit; theyâÈçre really nice. It just wasnâÈçt his business, I decided. I was talking to Mom, not him.

I wouldnâÈçt have held a grudge about it, but Hal just had to butt into every single conversation at dinner, too. I was still gritting my teeth at nine oâÈçclock when Rose got home from her date with Stephen.

She and I share a bedroom, as do Lily and Laurel. Our room has tall, old-fashioned windows that make it seem bigger than it is. With two of everything in itâÈ'twin beds, dressers, night tables, and desksâÈ'itâÈçs pretty cramped. WeâÈçve each given it our own sense of style, though. Rose has put up posters of her favorite singers and actors, and sheâÈçs into incense and tapestries and flowering plants. My shelves are crowded with sports trophies, my baseball card collection, and odds and ends I saved when we moved out of our old house: some of DadâÈçs fishing tackle, a plaque the chamber of commerce gave him one year, his toolbox.

I was sitting on my bed reading Sports Illustrated when Rose flopped down on her bed with a sigh. âÈêIâÈçm going to wither and die when Stephen leaves for Harvard,âÈë she moaned, flinging a hand to her forehead.

Rose can be pretty theatrical. âÈêAre you doing Juliet?âÈë I guessed. âÈêOr Ophelia?âÈë

âÈêSeriously, Daze.âÈë She sat up. âÈêIt stinks.âÈë

Rose is always open with her feelings, and sheâÈçd been fretting for weeks over her upcoming separation from Stephen. HeâÈçd graduated from Seagate a year earlier, but since then heâÈçd been in Hawk Harbor, working as a volunteer for county social services. He wants to be a lawyer someday, the kind who represents poor people for free. âÈêHeâÈçll come home for vacations,âÈë I said.

âÈêBut it wonâÈçt be the same,âÈë Rose despaired. âÈêI mean, weâÈçve been like thisâÈëâÈ'she held up her hand with the index and middle fingers crossedâÈ'âÈêfor two whole years.âÈë Rose quickly changed the subject. âÈêSo, Hal was over for dinner again, huh?âÈë

âÈêYeah.âÈë I frowned. âÈêWhatâÈçs with that, anyway? HeâÈçs, like, omnipresent these days. I mean, our other neighbors donâÈçt come over every night.âÈë

âÈêI sense romance blossoming,âÈë Rose said knowingly.

I blinked. âÈêMom? A romance with Hal? Are you kidding?âÈë

âÈêWhy not?âÈë she asked. âÈêHe and Mom have gotten to be pretty tight these past couple of years. Going out to lunch, lending each other books, that sort of thing.âÈë

âÈêYeah, butâÈ'âÈë

âÈêHe has a great sense of humor for an accountant, donâÈçt you think? Nobody makes Mom laugh that hard. I think they make a cute couple.âÈë

âÈêA couple?âÈë I stared at my sister in disbelief. âÈêYou mean like ?âÈë

âÈêLike who knows?âÈë said Rose. âÈêMaybe MomâÈçs ready for a boyfriend. Maybe sheâÈçll even get married again someday.âÈë

I shook my head emphatically. âÈêMom does not need a boyfriend.âÈë

âÈêWhy not?âÈë

âÈêItâÈçs only been two and a half years sinceâÈ'âÈë

âÈêOnly two and a half years?âÈë Rose broke in. âÈêWhat, you donâÈçt think thatâÈçs long enough to grieve? Mom should join a convent or something? She deserves to have a life of her own thatâÈçs not just work and kids.âÈë

I fell back on, âÈêYeah, but ?âÈë

âÈêBut what?âÈë Rose said. âÈêDonâÈçt you want Mom to be happy?âÈë

Of course I wanted my mother to be happyâÈ'that wasnâÈçt the point. Turning my head away from Rose, I looked at the framed picture on my night table. My father smiled up at me from under the bill of a Boston Red Sox cap, his face tanned from spending his days on the water, his light blue eyes crinkled against the sun. I remembered that day as if it were yesterday. WeâÈçd all gone down to Boston, and heâÈçd taken me to the game while Mom, Rose, Lily, and Laurel hit the aquarium and museum. Just him and me. WeâÈçd eaten three Fenway franks apiece. The Red Sox won in extra innings.

In the picture Dad looked so alive, and that was how I wanted to remember him. Am I the only person whoâÈçs still loyal to you, Dad? I wondered. âÈêBut nothing,âÈë I said quietly.

One

YOU REALLY DONâÈçT have to give me a party, Mom,âÈë I told my mother, Maggie Walker, the day before my sixteenth birthday. I meant it, too. Birthday parties arenâÈçt exactly my favorite things.

âÈêShould I just throw away the cake, then?âÈë she teased.

We were in the kitchen. Mom had just baked a triple-layer lemon cake with raspberry filling, and now she was using a tiny spatula to etch a basket-weave pattern in the white butter cream frosting.

It looked delicious, and I was sure, knowing MomâÈ'sheâÈçs a catererâÈ'it would taste even better than it looked. âÈêOf course I want the cake!âÈë I said, smiling. I pushed the long, gold-brown hair out of my eyes, then stuck my hands deep into the side pockets of my faded denim overalls. âÈêI just donâÈçt like people making a fuss over me.âÈë

âÈêItâÈçll just be us,âÈë Mom assured me, âÈêand Hal. And I invited Jack. ThatâÈçs okay with you, right?âÈë

âÈêSure.âÈë Hal Leverett is our neighbor. HeâÈçs divorced, and Mom is a widow, and theyâÈçve been dating for a couple of years now. As for Jack Harrison, heâÈçs been my closest friend since we were ten. Jack and Hal are both like family.

Mom finished frosting the cake. She offered me the beaters from the electric mixer. âÈêDo you want these, Laurel?âÈë

Of course I did. I grinned and leaned back against the counter and licked the frosting off one of the beaters. The kitchen window was open, letting in a warm Indian summer breeze. âÈêRemember how I used to practically beat Lily up to get the beaters after you baked a cake?âÈë I asked Mom.

Mom laughed. âÈêPoor Lily.âÈë

âÈêPoor LilyâÈ'yeah, right.âÈë Lily is my younger sister. SheâÈçs thirteen now, and IâÈçve been waiting for her to outgrow her âÈêbratâÈë stage for the past thirteen years.

The phone rang; I had to put down the beater to answer it. âÈêHello?âÈë

âÈêHi. ItâÈçs me,âÈë said my nineteen-year-old sister, Daisy.

A warm feeling settled over me. âÈêDaze! WhatâÈçs up?âÈë My mom smiled at me, and I smiled back as I pointed to the phone excitedly. âÈêItâÈçs Daisy,âÈë I mouthed, and Mom nodded.

âÈêJust wanted to wish you a happy day before your birthday, Toad.âÈë

âÈêDaisy! HavenâÈçt I outgrown that ridiculous nickname yet?âÈë

âÈêHave you outgrown your roomful of animals yet?âÈë she shot back.

I laughed. Back when my dad died, we had to move out of our huge house and into a two-floor apartment on Main Street in Hawk Harbor, the small town on the coast of southern Maine where IâÈçve lived all my life. At first the landlord told us no pets. Since then Mr. Wissinger, who also owns the bakery downstairs, has relaxed his policy a little, so IâÈçve adopted as many animals as I could squeeze into my bedroom.

âÈêAnyway,âÈë she went on, âÈêIâÈçll be home tomorrow afternoon.âÈë SheâÈçs a freshman at Dartmouth. âÈêI have a soccer game in the morning, but if I leave Hanover by noon, I should be in Hawk Harbor around three-thirty.âÈë

âÈêHow are you getting here?âÈë I asked. âÈêBus?âÈë

âÈêIâÈçm borrowing AnnieâÈçs car,âÈë Daisy replied. âÈêWhat a great roommate.âÈë

âÈêI canâÈçt wait to see you!âÈë

âÈêIâÈçll drive as fast as I can. DonâÈçt start the party without me.âÈë

âÈêAre you kidding? Of course we wonâÈçt. Bye, Daze.âÈë

Hal walked in as I hung up the phone. He doesnâÈçt bother knocking anymoreâÈ'he and Mom are always running back and forth between each otherâÈçs places.

At first it was weird, Mom having a boyfriend. Daisy especially freaked out about it, maybe because she was the one whoâÈçd been closest to Dad. Now weâÈçre all pretty used to it, and HalâÈçs about the nicest man on earth.

He greeted Mom with a kiss on the cheek, then set a paper bag on the counter. âÈêParty decorations,âÈë he explained. âÈêStreamers, balloons, hats, noisemakers.âÈë

I rolled my eyes. âÈêNoisemakers?âÈë

Hal took a party hat out of the bag and stuck it on his head. HeâÈçs an accountant, with brown-gray hair and wire-rimmed glasses and heâÈçs at least fifty, but when he smiles, he looks like a kid. âÈêCome on, Laurel. Live it up!âÈë

âÈêWhy donâÈçt we start decorating?âÈë Mom said to Hal as she wiped her hands clean on a dish towel. âÈêWeâÈçre going out tonight and we wonâÈçt have time in the morning because IâÈçm catering that bridal shower brunch.âÈë

I thought about making one more plea for a low-key celebration but decided not to. It wasnâÈçt that I didnâÈçt appreciate them going to so much trouble. ItâÈçs just that I donâÈçt like being the center of attention. When I was thirteen, Jack threw a surprise party for me and invited practically everyone in our class. Even though I knew he had the best intentions in the world, I hated every minute of it.

Now I trailed my mother and Hal into the living room. I tried to reach for a roll of crepe paper, but my mother told me to sit down and relax. So I propped my scuffed sneakers up on the equally scuffed coffee table. We have a lot of really old furniture that Mom says is too beat-up to qualify as antique.

Mom draped crepe paper streamers around the room while Hal blew up balloons that said Sweet 16. âÈêItâÈçll be good to have your big sisters home, wonâÈçt it?âÈë Hal observed.

I nodded. Daisy was coming home for my birthday, and so was RoseâÈ'sheâÈçs twenty-one, the oldest in the family, and a senior at Boston University.

âÈêIs Rose bringing Stephen?âÈë Hal asked, pausing in between balloons to catch his breath.

âÈêShe sure is,âÈë Mom answered. RoseâÈçs boyfriend, Stephen, goes to Harvard. TheyâÈçve been dating forever. They met in Hawk Harbor when they were about my age, they broke up once or twice, but they always got back together. âÈêThose two donâÈçt do anything without each other.âÈë

âÈêQuiet around here, isnâÈçt it,âÈë Hal said to Mom, âÈênow that two of your four girls are away at college.âÈë

Mom sighed. âÈêIâÈçm still trying to get used to it.âÈë She tossed me a smile. âÈêNot that Lily doesnâÈçt make enough noise for four girls sometimes!âÈë

âÈêAt least we had an extra year with Daisy,âÈë I said. I gave a little sigh; I couldnâÈçt help it.

Daisy graduated from high school a year ago, but she put off starting college until this fall so she could work full-time and help out the family. Our father died six years backâÈ'his fishing boat was lost in a storm at seaâÈ'and MomâÈçs gotten a catering business off the ground now, but money is still tight sometimes. We all pitch in however we can.

Mom gazed at me, her expression thoughtful. âÈêYou and Daisy got to be good friends this past year, didnâÈçt you?âÈë

I nodded. I missed Rose, but she had already been away at college for three years. I was used to seeing her only on holidays. Daisy had just left, and I still wasnâÈçt used to the fact that she was gone. I missed her. A lot.

Hal stopped blowing up balloons. He thumped his chest with one hand. âÈêThe old manâÈçs lungs arenâÈçt what they used to be,âÈë he said, chuckling. âÈêThink IâÈçll take a break.âÈë

âÈêLetâÈçs start dinner, then,âÈë Mom suggested.

They went back into the kitchen, and I walked upstairs to my room to feed my pets. I was still thinking about Daisy. She and Rose are both amazing people. Rose is a very good singer and actress. DaisyâÈçs a star, too. She was captain of three different sports teams in high school, and sheâÈçs on a scholarship at Dartmouth. Plus sheâÈçs an A student, plus sheâÈçs beautiful, plus funny, plus kind, plus plus plus.

My lab partner, Ellen Adams, whoâÈçs the middle of five kids, has asked if it bugs me having a big sister like Daisy whoâÈçs such an achiever. It doesnâÈçt. I donâÈçt feel like I have to follow in her footsteps. I couldnâÈçt even if I wanted to!

After Alfalfa, my rabbit, was taken care of, I fed my iguana, my turtles, and my tropical fish. As I was pouring birdseed into Lewis and ClarkâÈçs bowlâÈ'theyâÈçre parakeetsâÈ'the door to my room banged open. âÈêWhereâÈçs my iPod?âÈë Lily demanded.

As I mentioned before, my younger sister is a brat with a capital B. Sometimes I canâÈçt believe we share the same DNA. âÈêI donâÈçt know,âÈë I replied, âÈêand did you ever hear of knocking?âÈë

âÈêYou borrowed it yesterday and I havenâÈçt seen it since,âÈë she shot back in an accusing tone, hands on her hips.

I gave her a cold stare. She had on a white ruffled shirt with a black bow tie and vestâÈ'LilyâÈçs into putting together funky outfits. Today she looked like a waiter, but I didnâÈçt say so. SheâÈçs always antagonizing me, but I try not to pick fights unless she forces me to. âÈêI left it in your room,âÈë I told her.

âÈêThen why canâÈçt I find it?âÈë

I shrugged. âÈêItâÈçs kind of a pigsty in there.âÈë

âÈêMy roomâÈçs a pigsty?âÈë Lily wrinkled her nose and took a sniff. âÈêIt smells like cow manure in here. Or is that your hair, which you probably havenâÈçt washed in a month?âÈë

IâÈçd washed my hair that morning, but I decided not to dignify her question with a reply. For about the millionth time, I silently thanked heaven that Lily and I werenâÈçt sharing a room anymore, like we had to before Daisy and Rose moved out. âÈêClose the door behind you,âÈë I suggested.

Lily didnâÈçt just close the doorâÈ'she slammed it. Turning to the parakeets, I sighed. âÈêSorry, guys. ItâÈçs not true about the cow manure. You smell fine.âÈë

When everyone was fed, I lifted Alfalfa from his cage. Walking over to my bedroom window, I looked out at the boats in the harbor.

IâÈçve got a great view, which makes up for the fact that the room is small. That was the only good thing about DaisyâÈçs going off to college: inheriting her bedroom. I can decorate it however I want without having to argue with Lily, whose clothes used to take up our whole closet. ThereâÈçs space for all my animals, and I salvaged an old rocking chair that Mom wanted to give to charityâÈ'itâÈçs the chair she rocked us in when we were babies.

I sat there now with the bunny on my lap. I did like having my own room; still, IâÈçd rather have had Daisy back. It was lonely sometimes. Lily and I were the only sisters left. And weâÈçll never be friends, I thought.

***

ITâÈçS COLD,âÈë JACK said.

âÈêNo, itâÈçs not,âÈë I replied.

âÈêFeels like a frost.âÈë He turned up the collar of his denim jacket.

I took a deep breath of woodsy October air. âÈêI think itâÈçs nice. Perfect, in fact.âÈë

âÈêMy batteryâÈçs dying.âÈë JackâÈçs flashlight flickered and went out. A second later I heard him stumble on a tree root. âÈêOuch!âÈë

I had to laugh. Moonlit expeditions with Jack are always like this. He moans and groans, pretending IâÈçm dragging him out against his will, but then ends up having as much fun as I do.

Tonight we were hiking up a path not far from his house. When we got to the top, we were in MeredithâÈçs Meadow, one of the highest spots in town. Jack spread an old quilt on the dewy grass while I pulled out my binoculars. âÈêThereâÈçs Jupiter,âÈë I said, pointing the binoculars skyward. âÈêJust above the horizon. See?âÈë

Jack took the binoculars and looked through them. âÈêDoesnâÈçt it have a bunch of moons?âÈë

âÈêYeah, but weâÈçd need a telescope to see them.âÈë

We lay back on the blanket, the binoculars and an open bag of potato chips between us. Looking up at the sky, we took turns naming the constellations. Perseus and Andromeda, Aries the ram, Cepheus and Cassiopeia.

âÈêEven with the moon almost full, there are still so many stars,âÈë Jack said after a minute.

âÈêThatâÈçs whatâÈçs good about living in the country instead of the city. No lights from buildings and stuff to dim the stars.âÈë

âÈêThere are other solar systems besides ours, right? Do you think somewhere out there a couple of kids are lying in a field looking through binoculars at us?âÈë

I laughed. âÈêMaybe.âÈë

I sat up and wrapped my arms around my knees. Jack was munching potato chips. Without speaking, he stuck the bag out and I took a handful.

Jack and I have known each other almost forever, since the summer before sixth grade, when he moved to Maine with his parents. He was sort of a prissy little kid back thenâÈ'his clothes were always spotless and pressed. Meanwhile, I was usually covered with grass stains and mosquito bites. For some reason, though, we hit it off. Maybe because we were both a little lonely. My father had just died and Jack didnâÈçt know anyone else in town yet, and since heâÈçs an only child he didnâÈçt have brothers or sisters to play with.

WeâÈçre still best buddies even though weâÈçve changed over the years. Now I turned to look at him in the moonlight. He has thick, straight brown hair and green eyes. According to the majority of the female population at South Regional High School, heâÈçs gotten pretty cute. HeâÈçs popular, too. Sometimes I think that if we hadnâÈçt been friends forever, Jack would never want to hang out with someone like me.

Jack noticed me staring at him. âÈêYour hairâÈçs frizzing out.âÈë

I lifted a hand. My long hair was going wildâÈ'the damp sea air does that to me. âÈêYeah, I forgot a ponytail holder.âÈë

âÈêI bet thatâÈçs what Meredith looked like,âÈë Jack speculated.

MeredithâÈçs Meadow is named for a colonial girl who supposedly came up here to look at the ocean and wait for her seafaring lover to return. I laughed. âÈêIf I look like Meredith, then no wonder that guy never came back!âÈë

Jack just looked at me.

I gazed back up at the sky.

We sat quietly for a couple more minutes. I was thinking about how maybe I wasnâÈçt that different from eighteenth-
century Meredith. We both loved this high, wild meadow. Both of us knew how to wait for people we loved to return.

âÈêWhatâÈçs that smell? Flowers or something?âÈë Jack asked.

I breathed in deeply. The meadow had a faded, autumnal sweetness. I didnâÈçt need to turn on my flashlight to identify the plants and grasses that surrounded us. âÈêMeadowsweet and oxeye daisy,âÈë I told Jack. âÈêCalico aster, burdock, nodding thistle. And smell the licorice? We must have put our blanket down on the last of the sweet goldenrod.âÈë

âÈêEverythingâÈçs dying, huh?âÈë

âÈêYeah, but thatâÈçs when the fields are the prettiest, I think. The bunchgrass is turning red nowâÈ'we should come back in daylight.âÈë

âÈêThat would be great.âÈë

We packed up our stuff and headed back down the dark trail. At the road we said good-bye. âÈêSee you tomorrow at your birthday party,âÈë Jack said.

âÈêDonâÈçt bring a gift, okay? I donâÈçt need anything.âÈë

JackâÈçs smile was bright in the moonlight. âÈêAre you kidding? I already got you a present. I know youâÈçre going to love it.âÈë

âÈêReally?âÈë I was curious in spite of myself. âÈêWhat is it?âÈë

âÈêNice try, Walker. Catch you later.âÈë

âÈêBye.âÈë

We walked off in opposite directions. All the way home I wondered what Jack was going to give me for my birthday. IâÈçve always hated getting presents. Everyone gathers around and stares as you open themâÈ'itâÈçs so embarrassing. ThatâÈçs the problem with birthday parties in general. But still, even though I donâÈçt usually like parties, I had to admit that I was starting to get a little excited about this one.

One

THE DAY I turned sixteen was the most wonderful of my life! My devoted older sisters Rose and Laurel showered me with jewelry, gift certificates to the mall, and the complete works of Shakespeare in leather-bound volumes. As if that were not enough, my mom, the beautiful, recently remarried widow Maggie Walker, doubled my allowance and announced that from then on I wouldnâÈçt have chores or a curfew because IâÈçd be going to boarding school in Paris.âÈë

âÈêThe end,âÈë I said out loud, scrawling the words at the bottom of the page. Then I slapped my notebook shut and tossed it on my desk. I had to laugh. âÈêYeah, right. I wish.âÈë

There couldnâÈçt be a worse time of year for my birthday: in between Christmas and New YearâÈçs, where it gets completely lost in the holiday shuffle. I get totally ripped off in the present department, or at least thatâÈçs the way it seems, because people are always giving me âÈêjointâÈë Christmas and birthday gifts. But sixteen, I figured, is special. It had to be a big deal this year.

Throwing my bathrobe on over my nightgownâÈ'it was late morning, the day after Christmas, and IâÈçd slept inâÈ'I ran downstairs to see what everyone else was up to. Mom and Hal were in the kitchen, drinking coffee and looking at some papers spread out on the table. âÈêCatering business stuff ?âÈë I asked.

Mom nodded at me, then turned back to my stepfather. âÈêHal, IâÈçve been thinking about overhead. Maybe we can cut it back if we ?âÈë

She leaned over to point something out to him. As her blond hair swung close to his face, he took the opportunity to kiss her cheek. Mom laughed, blushing. âÈêOh, Hal,âÈë she said, but she sounded pleased.

Rolling my eyes, I headed for the family room. Mom and Hal had just gotten back from their honeymoon a few weeks before Christmas, and youâÈçd think they were twenty the way they were always gazing adoringly at each other and kissing in public. Mom looks great for her age, but she is in her forties, and HalâÈçs at least fifty, and theyâÈçve both been married before and have grown-up kids.

âÈêThe lovebirds?âÈë Rose guessed when she saw my expression.

Rose and her husband, Stephen, and my other big sister, Laurel, were sitting on the couch with their coffee, watching the morning news. The room was still littered with scraps of wrapping paper and satin ribbon.

âÈêArenâÈçt they a little old for that?âÈë I asked. âÈêI mean, itâÈçs not like they just met. MomâÈçs known Hal forever. They never used to act this way.âÈë

âÈêGetting married is romantic,âÈë Stephen said, slipping an arm around RoseâÈçs waist and pulling her close.

âÈêNot you guys, too,âÈë I groaned as they smooched. âÈêYouâÈçve been married for a whole year and a half. CanâÈçt you show a little self-control?âÈë

âÈêI think Mom and Hal are cute,âÈë Laurel remarked as she pushed her unruly brown hair behind her ears. She clicked the remote control, switching to the public television channel and some boring nature show. Typical.

âÈêYeah, well, you donâÈçt have to live with them,âÈë I pointed out a little wistfully. I was the only sister still at home. LaurelâÈçs a freshman at the University of MaineâÈ'sheâÈçs prevet. Rose is a singer and actress; she and Stephen settled in Boston after graduating from college. IâÈçd had a third sister, DaisyâÈ'she was in between Rose and LaurelâÈ'but she was killed in a car crash when she was nineteen. âÈêItâÈçs no fun at the dinner table lately, believe me. When theyâÈçre not drooling over each other, theyâÈçre talking about MomâÈçs new store. I might as well be invisible.âÈë

Actually, this wasnâÈçt really true. Hal is a great guy and pays me a lot of attention. It was niceâÈ'having a father again, I mean.

âÈêThe storeâÈçs a big deal, though,âÈë Rose said. She was now leaning against StephenâÈçs propped-up knees so he could comb her long blond hair with his fingers. âÈêMom and Hal are investing a lot in it, and thereâÈçs a ton of work to do beforehand.âÈë

My mom is a caterer. She started doing that to make a living after my father died eight years agoâÈ'his fishing boat was lost at sea in a sudden storm. At first it was tough for her to make ends meet, but now sheâÈçs really successfulâÈ'so successful, in fact, that sheâÈçs going to open a gourmet food shop in town this summer. HalâÈçs an accountant, and heâÈçs going to help manage the finances.

âÈêI know itâÈçs a big deal,âÈë I said, nudging Laurel aside so I could sit, too. The show was about coral reefs, and there was a pretty hunky guy scuba diving with the tropical fish. âÈêItâÈçs just a constant topic, you know? There are other important things happening these days.âÈë

âÈêLike what?âÈë Rose asked.

âÈêYou know,âÈë I said.

Rose wrinkled her forehead and turned to Stephen. âÈêWhat do you think LilyâÈçs talking about?âÈë

He shrugged. âÈêGot me.âÈë

âÈêIâÈçm stumped,âÈë Laurel put in.

âÈêI know. The after-Christmas sales at the mall,âÈë Rose guessed.

âÈêYou idiots!âÈë I exclaimed. âÈêTomorrowâÈçs my birthday!âÈë

âÈêYour birthday!âÈë Rose slapped the heel of her hand against her forehead. I caught her winking at Laurel. âÈêI totally forgot. How old will you be? Fifteen?âÈë

I knew she was pulling my leg, but I still got worked up. âÈêSixteen,âÈë I corrected indignantly.

âÈêAnd itâÈçs tomorrow?âÈë Laurel shook her head. âÈêThat doesnâÈçt leave much time to shop. Is it okay if I make the Christmas present I gave you, like, a joint present?âÈë

âÈêAbsolutely not!âÈë I declared. âÈêHavenâÈçt you guys planned a party?âÈë

âÈêAsk Mom,âÈë Rose answered. âÈêStephen and I are planning to stick around for your birthday, but we need to leave late tomorrow afternoon. Remember I told you my agent, Carol, got me the audition with the touring company of a Broadway musical? I need to rehearse. Speaking of which ?âÈë She got to her feet and stretched her arms over her head. âÈêShower time.âÈë

Laurel stood up as well. âÈêI have to leave tomorrow, too,âÈë she told me. âÈêDo you think you could have your party in the morning?âÈë

I scowled. âÈêIâÈçm not giving myself a partyâÈ'you guys are supposed to do it!âÈë Honestly. DidnâÈçt anyone care?

Rose finally took pity on me. âÈêDonâÈçt worry, Lil. MomâÈçs putting together a brunch, and weâÈçll all be there with bells on.âÈë

âÈêBrunch is perfect,âÈë Laurel said, heading for the door. âÈêIâÈçll call Carlos and tell him IâÈçll be back in the afternoon.âÈë

âÈêYour boyfriendâÈçs more important than my birthday?âÈë I shouted after her, but she didnâÈçt answer. Which is just as well because obviously she wouldâÈçve said, âÈêYes.âÈë Duh, I thought. Carlos is a senior at U. Maine, and heâÈçs gorgeous. He and Laurel met years ago working at the local wild animal shelter, but they just started dating, and I couldnâÈçt exactly blame Laurel for wanting to hurry back to campus!

I trailed into the kitchen. Hal had disappeared, but Mom was still there. âÈêDoes brunch sound okay?âÈë she asked, glancing up from her paperwork. âÈêWith just the family?âÈë

âÈêI was kind of hoping for a real party,âÈë I admitted. âÈêTwenty or thirty people, semiformal attire, champagne punch ?âÈë

I wasnâÈçt kidding, but Mom laughed, anyway. âÈêOh, Lily,âÈë she said. âÈêYour sistersâÈç sixteenth-birthday celebrations were pretty low-key. ThatâÈçs our tradition.âÈë

âÈêWell, I guess itâÈçs okay if itâÈçs just us,âÈë I said with a disappointed sniff. âÈêWill there be a cake at least ? with butter cream frosting?âÈë

âÈêButter cream frosting,âÈë Mom assured me.

âÈêThree layers?âÈë

âÈêThree layers.âÈë

I was satisfied. âÈêAll right. No joint presents, though,âÈë I told her.

Mom laughed again. âÈêHeaven forbid!âÈë

I ate breakfast and then went up to my room, which Laurel shares with me if Rose and Stephen are visiting. I changed into a high-waisted rayon dress and pinned my long, wavy blond hair up with the antique silver-and-garnet comb Rose and Stephen gave me for Christmas. IâÈçve always liked dressing up in funky, unusual clothesâÈ'lately IâÈçve been feeling kind of turn-of-the-century.

I went over to the window and looked out in time to see Laurel walking her dog, Snickers. People were going in and out of our buildingâÈ'we live on Main Street above WissingerâÈçs Bakery, one of the busiest stores in our little southern Maine town, even in the winter, when itâÈçs just us locals. When I was really young, my family had a big beautiful old house on Lighthouse Road. It had been in the family for generations, but after Dad died, we had to sell it and move into town. Our apartment is nice, though, with three bedrooms on two floors. It feels like home to me now. Hal used to rent the apartment next door, but he moved in with us when he and Mom got married.

I stayed at the window, my eyes taking in the view. The Hawk Harbor marina was empty of all but fishing boatsâÈ'the summer peopleâÈçs yachts were in dry dockâÈ'and beyond the marina the ocean was steel gray and choppy. I could see to the end of Rocky Point, where the country club is, and down the pine-covered coast a ways. In summer Hawk Harbor gets really crowded and busy. A lot of tourists vacation here, and fancy restaurants
and boutiques have popped up all over the placeâÈ'MomâÈçs future store is a good example. Off-season, though, more than half the stores close and Hawk Harbor reverts back to being a small town. I like it that way. I love living in an old-fashioned place thatâÈçs full of history and tradition.

I went over to my bookshelves, thinking IâÈçd start reading one of the novels IâÈçd gotten for Christmas. On the way I looked at two framed photographs on my desk.

I donâÈçt know anybody my age whoâÈçs lost so many close rela-
tives. One picture was of my father, Jim Walker, who died when I was eight, and another was of my older sister Daisy, who died when I was thirteen. If she were still alive, DaisyâÈçd be a junior at Dartmouth. She died right after LaurelâÈçs sixteenth birthday, and that autumn and winter were possibly the worst time of my life. Of all our lives.

Daisy was so special, I remembered, lifting the picture to study it more closely. In the photo she was holding a softball batâÈ'her arms tanned and strong. Her blond hair was summer bleached, and her eyes sparkled with good humor. And Dad, I thought. I bit my lip. I hated to admit it, even to myself, but if it werenâÈçt for that picture on my desk, I might have forgotten what Dad looked like. It made me sad, but I couldnâÈçt help it. HeâÈçd been gone for half my life.

I was still holding the picture of Daisy, and now I studied it again. I have a whole album of photos of her, which I look through all the time, but for some reason this one means the most to me. ItâÈçs just so Daisy. I donâÈçt like thinking about how her story endedâÈ'the rainy night, the car sliding off the slick roadâÈ'so instead I cherish this single moment, Daisy and her softball bat, her beauty and strength preserved forever. She was so togetherâÈ'smart, athletic, popular, caring, independent, genuine. SheâÈçd been the backbone of our family after Dad was gone. She took care of me. She could fix anything. Anything at all.

In a weird way I felt closer to Daisy than ever now that Rose and Laurel didnâÈçt live at home anymore and I was the only sister left. âÈêI still miss you all the time,âÈë I whispered.

I kissed DaisyâÈçs picture, then carefully placed it back on the desk. I tried really hard not to think about the fact that my favorite sister hadnâÈçt lived to see me turn sixteen.

MOMâÈçS THE BEST caterer in the state of Maine. Brunch the next morning was delicious and elegant: eggs Benedict, a basket of fresh-baked muffins, fruit salad, a cake on a pedestal, candles, good china.

At the end of the meal Rose said, âÈêI bet LilyâÈçs ready for her presents. ThatâÈçs always my favorite part, anyway.âÈë

I blinked innocently. âÈêThere are presents for moi?âÈë

âÈêYes, letâÈçs do presents before we cut the cake,âÈë Mom said.

Hal carried a pile of gift-wrapped boxes over to the table. There was a book from Laurel, a scarf from Rose and Stephen, and a DVD from Hal. âÈêUm, not to seem greedy,âÈë I said to Mom, âÈêbut I was expecting something ? else.âÈë

âÈêOf course,âÈë she answered, smiling as she handed me a small velvet box. âÈêI knew you were waiting for this.âÈë

I opened the box eagerly. On their sixteenth birthdays all my sisters had gotten gold charms from our great-grandmotherâÈçs bracelet. What would mine be? I wondered.

âÈêOh, itâÈçs beautiful,âÈë I exclaimed when I saw the little gold book on a slender chain.

âÈêYou can open it up,âÈë Mom explained. âÈêItâÈçs a locket.âÈë

I opened the locket. âÈêIâÈçll have to find a tiny, tiny picture to put in here. Thanks, Mom.âÈë

âÈêCake time!âÈë Laurel said, hopping out of her chair. âÈêIâÈçll light the candles.âÈë

Everybody sang âÈêHappy BirthdayâÈë and I blew out the candles. My wish, of course, was that someday IâÈçd get to go to Paris. I felt as if I had everything else I could want.

As soon as brunch was over, Laurel, Rose, and Stephen had to rush around, packing stuff and tossing it into their cars. Mom handed them care packages of food, and then there was a flurry of hugs and kisses and they were gone.

Back to their real lives, I thought as I stood at the living room window, watching Rose and Stephen buzz off in the old Saab StephenâÈçs been driving since high school.

I grew up in a big, lively family. Sometimes Rose, Laurel, and I get on each otherâÈçs nerves, and sometimes I complain about being the youngest, but I like having my sisters around. Now my sixteenth birthday was over almost before it had begun.

I was an only child again.

ON NEW YEARâÈçS Eve day Noelle Armitage came over to listen to music and read beauty magazines with me. Noelle and I were neighbors when my family lived on Lighthouse Road, and weâÈçve been friends off and on forever. IâÈçll admit that in sixth grade, I thought she wasnâÈçt cool and I started hanging out with some other girls. But in junior high we got close again. We both read a lot and love fashion. Noelle has excellent taste in clothes.

âÈêWhatâÈçs with this?âÈë Noelle asked, tossing a magazine my way. We were sitting on the floor of my room, our backs against the bed, a bag of pretzel sticks open between us. âÈêLavender lip gloss?âÈë

âÈêEaster egg colors are in. Look. These models have yellow lips.âÈë

âÈêMaybe I should rethink my makeup for tonight. I was just going to wear red lipstick.âÈë

âÈêRedâÈçs always acceptable,âÈë I assured her. âÈêItâÈçs classic. And on New YearâÈçs Eve you want to look classic.âÈë

Stretching her arms over her head, Noelle let out a happy sigh. âÈêSeth Modine.âÈë

I nodded. That was all there was to say. âÈêSeth Modine,âÈë I agreed, somewhat grumpily.

Noelle had been invited to Seth ModineâÈçs New YearâÈçs Eve party and I hadnâÈçt. She didnâÈçt rub it in, and it wasnâÈçt like I was devastated, but it did bug me a little. SethâÈçs part of the It crowd at South Regional High, and the fact that I wasnâÈçt on his guest list meant I wasnâÈçt. Not that I care about that sort of thing. Well, maybe I doâÈ'a little.

âÈêWhy did he invite you, anyway?âÈë I asked Noelle. âÈêI didnâÈçt even know you guys were friends.âÈë

âÈêI think his bud, that Timothy guy, likes me. WeâÈçre all in the same history class.âÈë

âÈêTimothy Pratt? HeâÈçs cute.âÈë

âÈêHeâÈçs okay.âÈë NoelleâÈçs pretty cute herself, with wide blue eyes and dead-straight, chin-length, pale blond hair.

Jumping up, she went over to my closet. âÈêSo, what can I borrow?âÈë

I helped Noelle pick out a short, sexy black dress that I got as a hand-me-down from Rose. âÈêWhat are you going to do tonight?âÈë she asked.

âÈêI donâÈçt know.âÈë I watched Noelle try on my shoes. I wasnâÈçt dating anyone special. âÈêMickeyâÈçs going to a party at Daniel LevinâÈçs and she said I could go with her, but I canâÈçt get too excited about it.âÈë

Mickey is McKenna Clinton, another close girlfriend of mine. SheâÈçs fun, but some of her other friends, like Daniel, are kind of quiet. âÈêA party at DanielâÈçs.âÈë Noelle laughed. âÈêIsnâÈçt that an oxymoron or something?âÈë

âÈêCan you imagine Daniel busting a move on the dance floor?âÈë I agreed.

Noelle shook her head and stuck out her right foot, modeling a black-beaded high heel. âÈêCan I borrow these, too?âÈë

âÈêSure,âÈë I said. âÈêSomeone might as well look hot tonight since IâÈçll probably be sitting home, watching TV.âÈë

And thatâÈçs what I ended up doing. Mom and Hal invited me to go with them to the annual New YearâÈçs Eve party at the HarrisonsâÈç, but I couldnâÈçt picture myself there dateless. It was okay when I was a kid, but not now that IâÈçm sixteen. I dressed up, anywayâÈ'I put on my Emily Dickinson gown and some fake pearl earrings, made microwave popcorn, and watched old Katharine HepburnâÈ'Spencer Tracy movies on the family room TV.

Usually IâÈçm as happy on my own as I am when IâÈçm surrounded by people, but tonight, as the hands of the clock moved toward midnight and I had no one to kiss and wish Happy New Year, I felt kind of sad. The apartment, which had seemed so cramped when my family first moved in years ago, felt big and empty. The only people home, I thought, are me, myself, and I.

I didnâÈçt want to be lonely, not on New YearâÈçs Eve, so I turned on the secondhand laptop computer Hal gave me for my birthday last year and opened up a file called Journal.

âÈêMe again,âÈë I typed. âÈêItâÈçs 11:55 on December 31st and IâÈçm not at Seth ModineâÈçs party wearing high heels and lavender lip gloss. âÈæWhy, Lily Rebecca Walker,âÈç you declare in astonishment. âÈæHow could he have overlooked you when he made up his guest list?âÈç Good question. I guess he just hasnâÈçt noticed me yet.âÈë

I stopped typing. My gaze wandered from the computer screen to the dark window. If Seth hasnâÈçt noticed me, I thought, then that makes him the only one. IâÈçd always made it a point to be hard to miss. Whenever I change my style or my attitude or my friends, Mom says IâÈçm going through a âÈêphase.âÈë Once Rose called me a chameleon, but Laurel pointed out that I was the oppositeâÈ'I donâÈçt change color to blend in with my environment, but to stand out from it. What a perfect Laurel commentâÈ'she always has to turn everything into an opportunity for nature education.

Now I tilted my head thoughtfully to one side. Maybe there are different ways of getting noticed, I mused. So, what do I have to do to get noticed the right way?

I went back to my journal. âÈêMy big sisters make it seem easy,âÈë I wrote. âÈêRose knows exactly who she is and what she wants to do in life, and so does Laurel, and so did Daisy. I wonder if now that IâÈçm sixteen, IâÈçll figure out who I am, too.âÈë

Just then the clock on the mantel struck twelve. âÈêHappy New Year,âÈë I whispered to myself.

Âû 2010 Diane Schwemm